Knowing the Score: I’m cursed by jersey

I heard the rumors.  At first I didn’t believe them.  Who would do such a thing?  But after digging deep, I discovered it was true; someone did bury a Bob Connolly Pipe Dreams jersey under my cubicle, right under my very nose.  I’ve been cursed. 

Must have been that time I let Gino Castignoli work for one day on my computer.  I should have noticed him wearing the jersey right in my face and in his best Borat impersonation, telling anyone who would listen that my column should be called Knowing the Score…pause…wait for it…Not!!!! 

Or maybe the fact that he’s a construction worker and not a computer technician should have been the ultimate warning sign.   Who cares?  The damage is done and no Castignoli, it was not a harmless prank.  I was hurt very deeply.  I cried a little, too. 

Bob Connolly has been my competition for so long.  His columns are wittier than mine and he hobnobs with a network of sports writers like Dwight Perry (see, I mentioned you, too.  Where’s my shout out in the Seattle Times?)  Bob even stopped me from being the only columnist with his picture in the paper.  And now I find his jersey under my cubicle. 

But I don’t believe in a curse, so I declared that no action was to be taken and then dug up my cubicle anyway, removed the jersey, took a quick photo, sold the jersey at an auction and raised money for the Prevent Jon From Ever Getting Sick Fund, and then sued Castignoli for $50,000.  Sounds fair. 

No.  It sounds ridiculous.  My whole column sounds ridiculous.  And guess what, this whole story that seems to not go away, perpetuated by every writer with nothing else to do, but talk about himself and his feelings, is ridiculous. 

Leave Gino Castignoli alone.  I, for one, find what he did to be hilarious; maybe a little disrespectful, but hilarious nonetheless.  It was an elaborate version of any prank that could be played at an office or with a friend.  A jersey did not ruin the structural integrity of the new Yankee Stadium, so there was really no harm or foul done. 

I bet Yankee fans wouldn’t have minded if he threw David Ortiz, wearing his jersey, into the cement. Not the way he’s been killing the Bronx Bombers in recent years.  They’d probably call Castignoli a hero, and not a traitor.  I bet the people at Rikers would have loved him, too.  It’s funny to think that just burying the jersey alone actually had people calling for criminal charges to be pressed against him. 

A civil suit is actually likely.  Are you serious?  So, the Yankees said it wasn’t a big deal at first, stating that there is no such thing as a curse. There isn’t.  No, you sir, reading this – shaking your head – there is no such thing as a curse.  The Yankees are going to lose this year, because they are a bad team, not because of any jersey.  I promise. 

Then all of a sudden, even though they didn’t have to, they decided to dig up the jersey, spending more money than a lot of people make in a year to do so.  That was their decision.  They didn’t have to do it, so how can one even think of suing him. 

If anything, Castignoli should be honored by the Yankees.  While everyone is paying attention to his foolish prank, no one has been paying attention to the actual Yankees games.  The Yankees are stinking up the place and everyone is talking about a jersey hidden under some cement that no one can see, but apparently, everyone can feel. 

This guy did more than Hillary Clinton’s public relations flunkies did when they tried to spin the senator’s tales of wartime combat.  Did you know Chuck Norris is going to play her stunt double in Missing in Action 4: Take that Obama?  It’s going to be better than Rambo.  The trailer leaked on You Tube. 

Back to the point.  The Yankees are losing and Castignoli gave fans something to rally behind.  Here’s to you Mr. Bury a Jersey in Yankee Stadium.  You’re a Real Man of Genius, as the Bud Light commercial would say.  I hope to see you on Celebrity Apprentice where 15 minutes of fame becomes 15 weeks. 

And that will be all.  I hope everyone enjoyed my little break from reality this week.  Buried in the story somewhere was an actual message.  Ha.  Get it.  Buried.  That’s funny, right?  Oh man, I must be cursed after all.       

Disclaimer: Bob Connolly is actually a favorite columnist of mine.  Please read his articles in this paper and at www.bxtimes.com.  No reporters were hurt in this story.  Neither was David Ortiz.  No curses were actually cast.  If you would like to know more about curses, go to your local library.  

Jon Minners, Knowing the Score, Yankees, jersey, curse, Bob Connolly, Pipe Dreams, Boston Red Sox, Gino Castignoli